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The Harsh Reality Of Penis Pumps

While there is an ultra-unhealthy number of ads and culture-crap out there that makes women feel hideous if they’re boobs aren’t huge, and their body isn’t anorexically thin, there is an equal amount of pressure-ridden hints (or flat out guilt-trips) to suggest that if a man doesn’t have a penis the size of a salami stick, he’s not really a man.

I call bullshit.

Many people call bullshit.

However, we still drown in “huge cock” porn and a never-ending collection of creams, pills, injections, and tools men can buy for the low, low price of $29.99 … or more.




Today’s focus is the 1874 invention by Dr. John King and the later-made patent by Otto Lederer – the cock pump.

This bong-looking medical device helped men get hard-ons. And, even though you would think gents would be lining up to buy one like they do today, they didn’t become popular until the 1970s.

So, how does it work?

A vacuum erection device (aka VED) creates a vacuum (negative pressure) and pulls more blood into the penis, therefore making it grow. It basically forces an erection.



Yes… and no.

They are VERY effective in the treatment of erectile dysfunction or maintaining penis length after surgery (like a prostatectomy).

But did you know…

The devices that are used for medical problems are NOT the same as the ones you buy on Amazon– you know, the ones that promise monster-sized cocks and three beautiful women that will instantly fall in love and become your sex-crazed porn kittens.

The difference?

The ones you get through your doctor have pressure limits, so you can’t pump too much. They only let you HAVE a hard-on. But the ones that show up on late night television do NOT have a pressure limit. Which means you can pump way too hard and seriously damage your dong.

Like, “bursting veins” serious.

The “novelty” items are products that prey on those with low self-esteem (and their wallets) and/or those who believe the idea that the only way to please a woman is with an enormous pants python. They’re backed by actors posing as doctors, fake testimonials, and an avalanche of media and culture-ridden ridiculousness about what men “should be”.

It’s the same as those “miracle diet pills” that make women believe that no man will love them if they have five extra pounds. For god’s sake, even my stepmother bought into Vitamin B injections that would make her “lose weight while still being able to eat what she wanted a no exercise”.





You’ll see plenty of men claim that a regularly scheduled pumping will give you a “noticeable” increase in size.

Will using a pump make you bigger? Sure. But only by a little. Any claims of bigger gains are exaggerated or bold-faced lies (and ads).

You get more girth (maybe 2 or 3cm at most) and length changes will be less than a couple of centimeters. It also changes drastically for each man. Some might be lucky, some might not see any difference whatsoever (except the difference in their bank account). Also, you might lose all your hard-earned pumping as soon as you take it off – and would have to wear a cock ring just to keep it. You’ll also lose it as soon as you orgasm.

Any regular private time with your toy will only give you a TINY bit of permanent growth … and when I say permanent, I mean if you do it forever. Because, if you stop for a couple of days, things will go back to normal.



I get it. I really do.

Porn, movies, your dude friends, size queens. They’ve all convinced you that you NEED this. But guess what?

You don’t.

Here is some information that will make you feel better…

  • Most of the nerve endings in the vagina are in the first 2 inches(5cm). Anything past that is just ego and social conditioning. Meaning, most women don’t fucking care.
  • A large percentage of women can’t have an orgasm through intercourse. Instead, they need attention on the clitoris (which you don’t need your dick for).
  • Even the prostate gland isn’t that far into the butt, so gay men can relax too. In fact, prostate massage only works with fingers.
  • Girth is more responsible for friction, not length.
  • Women’s vaginas are, on average, 4-5 inches(10-12 cm) long. So, if you’re well endowed, you might end up bumping into her cervix and hurting her.
  • Many men who think they are “short” are actually average.


SIDE NOTE: Yes, there are women who won’t give you the time of day unless you have a big dick, but they are few and far between. Also, if these ladies really want to feel big things, there are vaginal exercises that can make the hoo-haw tighter. It’s more realistic than damaging the male member to get one more centimeter.



If men spent the same amount of time they do pumping on learning how to please their partner, they would be sex gods in no time … instead of consumers with post-purchase malaise.

You have fingers. You have a mouth. Hell, you can even try a sex toy.

And these are FAR more effective in bed than a cock.

Bertha Spence
Bertha Spence

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